The Edge of Sanity
by QTR
Summary: Sara Sidle didn't know how it happened, but she now found herself on the very edge of sanity. Post Homebodies. GSR.
1. Chapter 1

**A/N: This is a one-shot piece, post-Homebodies. Yes, it is a little late, I realize ;)**

Rain droplets were falling down the windshield, camouflaging the warm angry and sad tears that fell down her face to the outside world. The inside of the car was filled with nothing was silence- cold, empty, silence. She sat with her hands in her lap, staring outside the window at the dead girl lying on the wet pavement surrounded by a puddle of blood. The girl's cold, lifeless eyes somehow were able to return her gaze, staring directly into hers.

"Don't look at me like that, Suzanna..." Sara whispered. "I tried...I really did."

_I'm dead...and it's your fault._

"I tried..." Sara whispered again.

_"ou let them rape me, you let them shoot me._

"I tried to help..."

_You let them walk free, all of this is because of you._

"I...did all I could.." Sara whispered.

_It wasn't enough. And now I'm dead._

Sara broke down in sobs, her body racking back and forth with each cry. She had tried to help her, she really had...she was going to do whatever it took to put the people who had hurt her behind bars, but...as soon as they had the suspect in custody, Suzanna had froze up. She was terrified, Sara couldn't blame her, but...since they didn't have enough to hold the bastard he went free- free to walk around on the streets, free to take a gun and put a bullet through her head so she wouldn't talk anymore.

The case had been haunting Sara's every thought. Rape cases had always been especially hard on her, but...there was something about this girl that was...special. They had gone to the house, and Mr. Kirkwood had said that nothing had happened, that it was a false alarm and that their services were no longer required. Sara knew there was more to the story than that, and her suspicions were confirmed when she saw Suzanna sitting in the back seat of her car.

From there they went to the hospital and Sara discovered that she had been raped. Supposedly date-raped. As the investigation deepened, she discovered that she was actually gang-raped, which seemed to explain things. But that meant more suspects, which meant it would take more time to try and figure this whole thing out. Time they didn't necessarily have.

The Kirkwoods were refusing to talk, and Sara was on the verge of an emotional breakdown. Having to deal with her own demons, and those of Suzanna Kirkwood at the same time was not putting her in the best emotional state. She knew Grissom was suspecting something was going on with her, he noticed the little moments in the lab when she would space out, lost in her own thoughts only to be startled when Grissom freed her of her trance.

And then Sara thought the case was almost over...that the _nightmare _was almost over. At least for Suzanna. They had a suspect...he fit the profile, and the DNA. Mr. Kirkwood brought Suzanna in to identify him. Sara spent the few minutes before that as they were getting the room set up to try and give her a bit of reassurance.

And in those few minutes, Sara and Suzanna Kirkwood had bonded.

And now here she was, sitting in the black Tahoe at the scene of Suzanna Kirkwood's murder. Suzanna was still staring at her, eyes wide. Her face was pale and her body was cold, laying there for everyone to see. Sara didn't want to look at her...but for some reason, she couldn't tear her eyes away from the girl laying on the pavement. Suzanna was talking to her, at least she thought she was.

_You said it would all be okay, you lied to me and now I'm dead. Think of my parents, think of how much pain and suffering they're going to have to go through now because I'm gone. Think about that. How are you going to sleep every night knowing that you could've spared them all that pain and misery if you'd just tried harder._

"...I...know," Sara whispered, starting to cry again. Oblivious to every thing else around her, she barely noticed when Grissom was knocking on the window of the driver's seat to get her attention. When she finally noticed him standing outside the car she jumped, startled.

Grissom waited for her to roll the window down. She looked terrible- exhausted...scared...angry...sad... Grissom really wished he knew how to help her, but in order to do that he would need to reach out to her, have her talk to him. And that was something he knew Sara Sidle was not likely going to do.

"Grissom..." Sara said quietly, sniffling as the window was rolled down. "Sorry...what's up?" she asked, fighting back more tears, and trying to compose herself at the same time.

"...You don't look good.." Grissom said. "...Go home, get some rest. You've been working for the past 32 hours..." he said. "So go home...sleep. I'm going to take you off the case." Before Sara could protest, Grissom had already walked off. That was the smart thing to do, he knew, because he was the supervisor, and his word was law. If he walked away, she wouldn't be able to protest which would make his job a lot easier.

Sara just sighed, knowing that she wouldn't be able to say anything to convince him otherwise. Instead, she turned the key in the ignition and drove off, trying not to look at the gaze Suzanna was giving her through the rear-view mirror, her cold eyes burning into the back of her head.

_Go ahead, drive away. You're not going to escape this. You're not going to be able to forget about this. So go ahead and listen to him- go home and get some sleep.You'll just be able to see me when you close your eyes. Turn the radio up as loud as you want, you'll still be able to hear my screams._

Sara wasn't even sure how she could still be crying. Her eyes were burning with tears, her vision was blurred, actually she really couldn't see where she was going, but she had driven this same route so many times that it had become routine. Sara finally wiped the tears away from her eyes as she stopped at the red-light. She saw a liquor store. It was right next to her house...it was calling her name.

Sara was never a heavy drinker; only a beer or two with breakfast. She had never wanted to resort to alcohol for comfort, the answer wasn't at the bottom of a bottle and she knew that. But sometimes she really wondered...if she should just drink until she couldn't think straight anymore. Her parents used to do it, and for a short period of time they were temporarily detached from the world. Sara would like that. She wanted to be numb. She didn't want to hear or see Suzanna anymore.

When the light turned green, Sara made a right turn and drove into the parking lot of the liquor store. Her mind was screaming at her, asking her what the hell she was doing, but at the moment she didn't care. She had made her decision, and she wanted to be numb.

She got out of the car and headed into the building. Ignoring every other aisle, she went straight to the back and opened up one of the freezer doors. Kneeling down, she took out a six-pack of beer. She was about to close the door when she saw another behind the case she had picked up. She contemplated it for a long moment, and finally picked the other one up, closing the door. Heading up to the register, she set the cases down and took out her wallet, paying for her twelve little bottles of relief.

Sara almost sped home. She could still hear Suzanna's voice.

_So you're going to pull the oldest trick in the book. Alcohol. Figures. That's probably why you weren't able to solve my case, and that's probably why I'm dead. You just had to have those few beers before work, didn't you? Look where that got you._

Sara tried to ignore it as best she could as she pulled up in front of her apartment complex. Turning the car off, she grabbed her bag and the two cases of beer and closed the door, heading to her apartment. Quickly unlocking the door, she stepped inside and locked the door behind her, throwing everything but the beer cases on the floor. Walking into the living room, she collapsed on the couch and tore one of the cases open, taking a bottle out of one of them, holding it up in her hand.

_Why so hesitant? It's your fault, and you're never going to be able to forget about this...unless you pick the bottle up._

Sara quickly shook her head and took the cap off, shoving the nose of the bottle into her mouth and gulping down the liquid.

"Catherine..." Grissom said, grabbing his jacket and sliding one of his arms into the sleeve. "I'm going to take off early tonight..." He smiled when Catherine shot him a strange look. "I'm tired," he told her. "But call me if anything comes up and I'll be right over."

"Sure," Catherine said. "Get some rest, Gil, I can handle this for now."

"Thanks, Cath," Grissom said, heading down the hallway. The truth of the matter was that he was going to go check on Sara. It was really unlike him, he was the tin man with no heart. But...his gut was telling him to see how she was doing. Maybe take her out for coffee. Something was going on with Sara, and right now he was determined to figure out what it was.

Jumping in his Tahoe, he turned the car on and closed the door behind him. He backed out of the parking lot after buckling himself in and then headed in the direction of Sara's apartment. Strange, he thought. He never really thought he was going to end up driving toward her apartment...

And as soon as the thought crossed his mind, Grissom looked up and discovered himself in a parking space right next to Sara's Tahoe. With a sigh, Grissom got out of his car, putting his hands in the pockets of his sports jacket as he closed his door and locked the car up. He found himself feeling a bit nervous..he didn't know why...but his stomach was sinking.

Grissom walked up to the apartment he knew belonged to Sara, and rose his hand up, his fingers curling into a fist. Hesitating, he finally knocked on the door softly, waiting for her to open it up. The door opened and Grissom was greeted with a sight he was never prepared for. Sara looked even worse. Her eyes were blood-shot and there were drying streams of tears flowing down her cheeks. She was pale, and she didn't look like she had gotten any sleep. On top of that, she had a beer bottle in her left hand.

"Sara...?" Grissom quietly asked.

She just frowned. "What are you doing here?"

"...I wanted to see how you were doing..." Grissom said. "Can I come in?"

Sara nodded slowly, moving out of the way so that he could come in through the door. Once he was inside, she closed the door and locked it. Walking through the apartment past Grissom, she headed toward the living room. Grissom watched as she swayed a little and he quickly walked behind her to make sure she didn't fall.

"Sara..?" Grissom asked. "Are you okay?"

And then she began falling backwards. He quickly ran over to her and caught her just before she hit the floor, the beer bottle from before falling empty onto the floor. Grissom kneeled down beside her and gently set her down in his lap, taking off his jacket and draping it across her. "Sara..?" he asked. "Can you say something?" he asked.

Sara just looked up at him, her eyes glazed over. She let out a groan as a response, and she looked over at the open six-pack on the floor next to them.

_It's your fault I'm dead, it's always been your fault that these bastards go free._

Sara quickly reached for another bottle from the case. Grissom noticed this, watching as her fingers curled around the nose of it. Grissom quickly put his hand on it. "Sara...I think you've had enough," he told her, taking the bottle out of her hand. And then Sara propelled herself forward onto her feet.

"No!" Sara yelled. "Give it back!"

"Sara..." Grissom sighed, keeping the bottle at his side. "Sara, go get some sleep."

"No, give it back to me, Grissom!" Sara yelled, reaching for it.

Grissom couldn't give it back to her...even though it wasn's his. But at the moment, he was being a friend, he wasn't being a supervisor. Sara was already intoxicated..so much that she could barely stand up. He couldn't let her drink herself to death.

"No, Sara," Grissom said firmly. "Go get some sleep. Do I need to carry you to your bedroom?" Sara wouldn't let up, he knew. He didn't want things to get out of hand...but at the moment, this whole situation was unpredictable.

Sara made a move for the bottle and Grissom held it behind his back. They wrestled for the bottle for a few moments before she took a swing at him. Grissom immediately dropped the bottle and grabbed her arm before she could hit him, grabbing onto her wrist. Sara was now up against the wall, and Grissom and Sara both found themselves staring into each other's eyes.

"...Grissom.." Sara whispered.

"...Sara, I'm sorry, but I can't let you have anymore," Grissom calmly told her. "Go get some sleep."

Sara just stared at him as her bottom lip started to quiver. She broke down in sobs and leaned against him as she cried. Grissom quickly let go of her arm as she pressed herself against his chest. Grissom slowly put his arms around her, leading her back to the couch. He sat down and Sara curled up against him. Wrapping his arms around her again, Grissom slowly rocked her back and forth as she cried.

"I'm sorry," Sara whispered.

"It's okay, Sara," Grissom told her. "It's okay."

"No...it's not," Sara whispered. "This whole thing...was my fault. Suzanna is dead because I didn't try hard enough...and I just tried to punch my boss because he was trying to protect me from myself," she whispered.

"Sara...this wasn't your fault. It was that guy's fault, and you know that. They had a choice, and they chose poorly. You did your best..." Grissom told her.

"If...only I--"

"Shh..." Grissom told her. "Sara, you did all you could...you stayed up for over sixteen hours looking over the pictures from her rape kit..."

"I know," Sara whispered. "But she's dead..."

"We're going to get those guys, Sara," Grissom told her. "I know we will..." he said. "But...right now, you need to get some rest," he said. "Because tomorrow is a new day...and we're going to go catch some more bad guys...but in order for you to do that, you need to rest up...okay?" Grissom asked.

He smiled when Sara was already asleep in his arms.


	2. Chapter 2

**A/N: So I lied ;) This was going to be a one-shot piece, but I actually got a lot of people saying that they wanted me to continue, so I shall post another chapter. Not quite sure how long I'm going to make this story yet. Thank you to all who reviewed :)**

Sara Sidle had fallen asleep. She wasn't sure how or when, or even where she had fallen asleep. Only that she was asleep, and that there was a strange yet comforting warmth engulfing almost her entire body. Someone was running their hands through her hair. It was a simple gesture, yet calming at the same time. But who was this person who was giving off this wonderful aura?

She cracked an eye open and looked around. It was a room, it looked to be a living room. Wait, this was _her_ living room. She was at her apartment. How did she get there..? She slowly lifted her head from someone's lap, finally looking into the eyes of the mystery person.

It was _him._ He was _here. _In _her_ home. He was in _her_ home, on _her _couch, _holding _her.

"...Hey.." Grissom quietly said, tucking a stray strand of hair behind her ear so that it was out of her eyes. "How did you sleep?" he asked. "Are you feeling nauseaous? Dizzy? Disoriented?"

Sara smiled a little. "I was a bit disoriented...but...I'm okay, now."

"Good," Grissom said. Just looking at her for a minute, he realized in those few moments just how beautiful she was. He saw her silky brown hair that fell just below her shoulders. Her big brown eyes were staring deep into his baby blues, searching-- seeking-- for something. What was this goddess looking for in such a man? Why would she ever consider giving someone like him such a glorious privelidge?

Sara curled closer to him and rested her head against his chest. His arms quickly wrapped around her shoulders- tight, but not too tight. Not suffocating, only a small reassurance that he was there with her. She enjoyed the warmth that was coming from his body against hers. She never wanted him to let go of her.

Letting out a sigh of contentment, she smiled when she recognized his smell. His scent was filling her entire body with even more warmth and she nuzzled her face against his chest, trying desperately to get closer to him. She wrapped her arms around his neck and crawled into his lap until he was cradling her. She felt his arms wrap around her back and her shoulders, his right hand resting just above her hip. It felt good to be in his arms.

Grissom looked down at Sara, running his fingers through her hair. She looked so calm, so happy just being in his arms. And he did, too. Holding this beautiful creature in his arms made his heart explode with pleasure. And desire.

"...Sara..." Grissom said softly. She looked up at him and met his gaze. Grissom just smiled warmly, his hand stopping, buried in brown hair. He brought it to her cheek and slowly brushed his fingers against her soft skin. She closed her eyes slowly, taking in the feeling of his skin against hers. Slowly, he pulled her closer to him so that the tips of their noses were almost touching.

"...Grissom.." Sara said in a tone so soft that it was barely above a whisper. They stared at eachother for a long moment...they both felt the same thing- pleasure, love, desire. How long they had been wanting to feel eachother-- to taste eachother's sweet wine had been a mystery to eachother. But they knew at this very moment that there was a fire being made. And it wasn't about to be put out...until they put it out themselves.

Grissom cupped her cheek with his hand, his gaze never faltering. Staring directly into her deep brown eyes, he saw that she wanted the same thing. Slowly moving closer to her, he closed his eyes slightly as their lips were centimeters apart. Sara had her eyes closed, trying to take in the intensity of this moment, the intensity of the close proximity between the two.

And then Grissom closed the space between the two of them. Their lips met. Grissom pressed his against hers, closing his eyes as he felt her sweet lips. They were so soft, it was like sweet velvet. Their lips lingered, barely touching eachother for a moment before the kiss deepened.

Sara felt Grissom's lips curl over hers and the kiss deepen. As they kissed, they both just felt the need to need to feel eachother become stronger and stronger. They were desperate for eachother.

Sara could feel Grissom's tongue tracing along her bottom lip, seeking entrance which she immediately granted. In mere moments the smooth, tender, gentle kiss from before had deepened and become an act of fierce passion. They tried to kiss eachother as hard as they could, needing to taste one another. Their lips came crashing down on each other's, their tongues meeting and dancing with eachother.

Neither of them wanted to break away, but they both finally had to when the need for air became too great. They both sat there, staring at eachother as they tried desperately to catch their breath.

"Grissom..." Sara panted. "That was--"

"I know, Sara," Grissom replied.

They both wanted the same thing.

Sara got to her feet and grabbed the loose ends of Grissom's shirt, pulling him up with her. As soon as he got to his feet their lips had found one another, kissing eachother desperately. Sara slowly moved Grissom away from the living room, never breaking the kiss as they slowly descended down the hallway. Grissom buried her left hand in her silky brown locks, holding her head still in place as they made it to the bedroom.

Grissom made his way through the doorway, holding Sara in front of him as he pushed the door shut behind them. As he entered through the door he was only hit with even more desire and lust-- oh, how the room smelled of her. A faint scent of lilacs and lavendar.

He gently set her down on the bed, his hand still behind her head as they continued to kiss eachother. Sara moved her hands down to his shirt and she undid the buttons one-by-one. As soon as the first few buttons were undone she was tracing a hand across his chest, resting just above his heart. She felt his heart beat faster with each time she touched him.

Sara pulled him closer to her, as he had been struck dumb-founded by her gentle yet demanding gesture. He stared down at her as she pulled him to her, watching as she moved her mouth from his up to his cheek. She started nibbling softly on his earlobe, and that was when he knew that he needed her.

"Sara..." Grissom moaned. She didn't stop nibbling on his earlobe, and only began to tease him with her tongue tracing across every curve. He immediately pulled away from her and threw his shirt off onto the floor. Moving his hands to the hem of her blouse, he slowly tugged at it. Then, leaning down, he took the collar between his teeth and tugged it upwards.

He let out a low growl when her shirt was off. He looked down at her-- she was so perfect. Her skin was so creamy and smooth, every inch of her was absolutely beautiful. Slowly crawling towards her, he placed a hand on her bare stomach, feeling her smooth, exposed skin under his fingertips, his nerves memerizing the feeling.

He looked down at her laced bra and slowly slid a strap down. Now he could see one of the rounded tops of her breasts, which sent a wave of electrical desire down throughout his entire body. He slowly slid the other strap and reached behind her, unclapsing it. He reached between the valley of her breasts and removed her bra, throwing it to the floor. God she was so beautiful, she was an angel.

She felt him unfastening his slacks and made a move to assist her, but instead moved down to her own pants, unfastening them. He threw his own pants to the floor once they were off, and as soon as her jeans were unfastened her slid them down her legs, looking down at her matching panties. His hands traced down from her hip to her calves, tracing every curve on her beautiful body. He set her pants down on the floor.

Grissom could feel Sara begin to pull at his boxers. She slid them down his waist, brushing against his hips as they fell to the floor. He removed her panties and soon they were laying flush in front of each other. A sting of desire filled both of them and Grissom buried himself against her, pressing his lips against hers as he slowly entered her.

Sara moaned into his mouth as she felt him slide into her. He was so gentle, yet fierce at the same time. He buried himself in her as he began to try and quicken his pace. Sweat slicked their bodies as they felt one another. It was like nothing they had ever experienced before. Neither of them had ever experienced such love or passion before in their lives.

Grissom massaged her breasts as he moved in her. She had closed her eyes, moving her hips with his as he thrust into her. He slowly reached for her hands and curled his fingers around hers, squeezing them tightly as he nibbled softly on her neck.

"Grissom..." Sara whispered, moaning as she felt him moved against her.

"Sara..." Grissom returned with a moan just as pleasurable as her own. "I need you.." he whispered. "Please..."

Sara pulled him down onto her and kissed him as hard and as long as she possibly could. He allowed her tongue complete entry into his mouth as she began to move against him. He let out a loud, deep, moan as he felt her warmth begin to fill him. He tried to get her even closer to him, pressing his body tightly to hers. He felt himself press even deeper into her and they both moaned loudly, moving as one.

Grissom and Sara continued to dance with eachother- a dance of pleasure, desire, and lust. Their bodies were entwined with eachother, synchronized, in perfect harmony and grace. They wrapped their arms and legs around eachother, never wanting to let go of one another. The sheets were wrapped around them both and soon they were buried under the covers expressing their love for one another.

Sara almost screamed his name as she felt him release himself into her. She came shortly after, getting the exact same reaction from Grissom that he got her. They collapsed against one another, still together as they panted with exhaustion.

Grissom brushed a strand of matted down hair away from her face, gently caressing her cheek as he kissed her softly. Sara just smiled and wrapped her arms tightly around his back.

They rolled over and Grissom gathered the sheets up, wrapping them tightly around both of them. Turning so that his back was facing him, he pulled her into his arms and wrapped them securely around her waist.

"I love you," Sara whispered.

"I love you, too," Grissom whispered back, burying his face in the crook of her neck as they drifted off to sleep.


	3. Chapter 3

**A/N: Thanks for the reviews, guys! **

Grissom slammed on the gas pedal as hard as he could. His palms were sweaty, his knuckles were turning white from how tight the grip he had on the steering wheel was. Veins were popping out of his forehead and his teeth were gritted. His pulse was racing as he drove up to the address Brass had given him over the phone.

_He was sitting in his office doing paperwork when the sound of his phone ringing made him jump. Turning his stereo down, he reached for his phone in his pocket and picked it up. He looked at the caller ID- Brass. Sighing, he flipped his phone open and took his glasses off, putting them down on the desk in front of him as he answered the phone. "Grissom."_

_"Gil, you better get over here."_

_"...Where?"_

_"Sara's crime-scene."_

_"...What's going on? Is everything alright?" Grissom asked, concerned. He had sent her over to a scene in Henderson. Four-nineteen, nothing they hadn't already seen before. There was an officer over there, he thought she would be okay by herself._

_"...Gil...the suspect was still at the house."_

_Grissom froze as the words entered his brain. "...What? Didn't an officer clear the house?" he asked, trying to hide the anger in his voice._

_"Yes..." Brass sighed. "He hid in the closet. Over-powered her, she didn't have much of a chance."_

_Grissom swallowed hard, trying to get images of possible things that could have happened out of his mind. "...Is...she okay?"_

_"We're waiting for an ambulance right now," Brass said. "But...she's in pretty bad shape."_

"Hang on, Sara," Grissom whispered, jumping out of his car. Not bothering to close the door behind him, he didn't even grab his keys as he ran up to the house. A quick flash of his badge gained him entry into the house, and he ran inside, looking around. "Brass!" he yelled. "Sara!"

The inside of the house was empty, cold and dusty. There was old furniture covered with dust and cobwebs. Walking further through the house, he spotted a staircase and he heard the faint sound of Brass talking on his radio. He quickly ran up the stairs, each floorboard creaking as he made it to the top of the stairs.

"Brass!" he yelled, looking around.

"Over here," Brass said quietly. Grissom quickly ran to the left, determing that was the direction his voice was coming from. As he rounded the corner, Grissom's breath caught in his throat.

Just looking at the hallway leading to the room was already giving him a sick feeling in the pit of his stomach. A few feet in front of him lay Sara's open kit. Her print powder container lay on the floor beside her kit, the cap off of it. The brush lay discarded at the foot of the wall where she had begin to dust for prints, he could see the tape lift she was using.

Looking down at the floor a foot away from her kit, he saw her CSI vest laying on the floor. The straps that formed the sleeves had been cut, which only seemed to confirm his suspicions of what happened more and more. Walking over to the door, Grissom took a deep breath, getting prepared for the sight he was about to see.

He rounded the corner and looked inside. His breath caught in his throat. The sight he saw did not look like anyone he had ever seen in his life, let alone Sara.

Sara was laying on the floor, flat on her back. Her face was drained of color except for the mottle of purple and black around her left cheek and her lip. Her shirt was ripped open, revealing her laced bra. Her slacks were unfastened, though they were still securely around her waist. Looking up, Grissom saw his biggest concern. A small trail of blood was dripping down the floor, but from where? Her neck.

Grissom immediately kneeled down beside her, holding onto her hand. She looked up at him with fear-filled eyes as she held a cloth to her neck. Grissom slowly moved his hand toward the her other, removing the cloth for a minute to see how bad the cut was. He winced when he saw it- it didn't look like it had nicked an artery, but it still looked pretty bad to the naked eye.

Grissom slowly set her arm down at her side, replacing her hand with his as he applied pressure to the wound on her neck. She winced, opening her mouth to speak.

"Don't try and talk, Sara," Grissom told her. "The paramedics are going to be here soon," he said, more to himself than anyone else. "You're going to be okay, I promise."

"Gr...Gri..Gris..som," Sara whispered, looking over at him.

"Please don't talk, Sara," Grissom whispered, brushing a strand of hair out of her eyes.

"...I..lo..love...you.." Sara whispered, reaching for his hand and squeezing it tightly.

"...I love you, too," Grissom whispered, holding back a sob as the ambulance arrived.


	4. Chapter 4

**A/N: Thanks again!**

Grissom sat in the waiting room of the hospital with his head in his hands. His hands and clothes were blood-stained, and his heart had been torn into pieces. Seeing Sara lying on the ground, neck drenched in blood and clothes torn off had been absolutely horrifying. She looked so scared...and so oh-so pale...

Inside the ambulance, the paramedics' worst fear was the blood she was losing from her neck. It didn't look like the blade had knicked an artery, but what if it had? What if...she bled out? What if she died, and Grissom never got a chance to say goodbye? He had been having so many nightmares about this lately, ever since one of the last cases the team had been working on.

Debbie Marlin. Four-nineteen called-in by her friend and coworker, nothing very peculiar about it. That was, until of course, Grissom walked into the bathroom where her body was and noticed her haunting resemblance to Sara. Sitting hunched-over in the fetal position, she stared up at everyone who entered the room with cold eyes. Her neck was drenched in blood, spatter over the shower walls and doors.

He had tried to keep Sara away from the body, he didn't want her to be as shocked as he had been when he noticed the resemblance. So instead, he sent her off to check the perimeter. Catherine had noticed the same resemblance with Debbie to Sara as well, but they tried to keep the younger woman away from her, it was the last thing she needed, they both knew.

But then Sara had to get her toe prints and trotted into the morgue. She had been busy completing her task when she noticed something about the deceased woman in front of her- brown hair, long legs, pale skin, thin build, brown eyes. Sara had tried to ignore it as best she could, but she finally couldn't help it anymore and moved her chair closer to the woman's face to get a good look. And that was when she saw it.

That could've been her lying on that metal slab.

And Grissom realized that. At that house, looking down at the body, for a split second he thought it actually _was _Sara. And afterwards that was when he vowed he wasn't going to let Sara end up like Debbie Marlin. He was never going to have to process her crime-scene, or see her body laying in the morgue on Doc Robbin's metal table.

And here she was, at the hospital with a slashed throat and possibility of sexual assault.

What a good job Grissom had done protecting her.

Grissom hadn't even realized it, but tears had begun falling down his face onto the white linoleum floor of the waiting room in the hopsital. Something warm and wet trickling down his cheek brought him out of his trance and that was when he finally realized that he was crying. Sitting up, he wiped his tears away with the back of his sleeve, taking off his glasses and holding them in front of him.

It had been almost an hour now. What was taking so long? Was...she even...alive? Grissom had to know, he couldn't stand it anymore and he was getting antsy.

Getting up from his seat, Grissom headed over to the front desk, looking over at the receptionist. He was getting impatient, this receptionist was clearly blind as she had not seen him standing there yet. Grissom knocked on the wall and her eyes immediately when from checking her MySpace to looking up at the man standing at the desk. Quickly closing her window, she cleared her throat. "How can I help you?" she asked.

"I'm Gil Grissom, I'm here for Sara Sidle, I'm her supervisor and emergency contact," Grissom explained. "...Can I see her?"

"...I'm not sure, Sir, the doctor hasn't come out of her room yet, I'm afraid you're going to have to wait," she told him. "Why don't you take a seat? I'm sure the doctor will be out soon."

Grissom just sighed, slowly heading back to his chair. But that was when he saw the door to Sara's room open up and a female nurse walked out of the room holding a SART kit in her hand. Ignoring the receptionist's pleas for him to come back, he quickly stormed into the hallway through the doors, walking in front of the nurse. "How is she? What did you find?" he asked.

"...Who are you?" she asked.

"I'm Gil Grissom..." he said. "I--"

"Oh, so you're Grissom..." she smiled a little. "Sara's been asking for you."

"She's...awake?" Grissom asked.

"Not anymore, I'm afraid," she sighed. "We had to put her under while the doctor stitched up the cut across her neck."

"...I see.." Grissom said. "...Did you find any signs of sexual assault?"

"Luckily, no," she said. "I found bruising of tissue, but none that was severe, indicating recent sexual intercourse. ...But I suppose that that was consensual."

"...Yes...it was..." Grissom sighed. "...Please..? Can I see her?"

The woman sighed, looking down at the floor. And then looking up at Grissom, she smiled a little. "Go ahead, the doctor's almost finished with her stitches."

"Thank you.." Grissom said, quickly walking into Sara's room. She looked a little better, that was for sure. Her cuts and scrapes had been cleaned and now her neck was stitched-up and covered in a thick white bandage. Her lip was no longer bleeding and her heart was beating steadily, as indicated by the steady fall-and-rise of the heart monitor.

"Hello." The doctor's voice made Grissom jump. "I suppose you're Dr. Grissom, Ms. Sidle's emergency contact?" he asked, throwing his gloves away and washing his hands.

"Yes," Grissom said, clearing his throat. "How is she...?"

"Well, the loss of blood from the wound she sustained to her neck was significant, though non-fatal. I don't think a blood transfusion will be necessary," he explained. "She has various cuts and scrapes, none that will scar."

"Good..." Grissom sighed, walking over to her bed. Sitting down in the chair next to her bed, he slowly reached for her hand, squeezing it softly.

"I'll let you stay the night," the doctor smiled. "Tomorrow, she should be able to leave if she is stable."

"Thank you..." Grissom said, watching as the doctor nodded and walked out of the room. Grissom looked up at her, noticing the oxygen tube running from the side of the bed into the small plug attached to her nostrils. He had to reassure himself that she was okay, that it was probably just there to help her breathing since her throat had just been slashed.

"...Hey, Sara..." Grissom started. His only response was the soft beeping of the machines around him. "...I know...you probably can't hear me," he said. "But...I...want you to know that...I'm...sorry..." he said. "..I...never wanted anything like this to happen. I love you, and...I should never had sent you to that crime-scene alone...I was so caught up with other things, my own case and paperwork, that...I didn't stop to think about the possible dangers of sending you out there...

...and...you told me, the other day, that...you had heard what I said in the interrogation in the Debbie Marlin case?" he asked.

_"What the hell was that?" Sara yelled, running into his office._

_"What?" he asked, confused, looking up from his mountain of paperwork._

_"I heard what you said in that interrogation!" she screamed, sounding more hurt than angry._

_"...Sara.." Grissom sighed._

_"I don't want to hear it!" Sara yelled, running out of his office._

"...I...said that...because...I..was scared. Now...that...I had you, I didn't know if it was for the better. I thought...I would ultimately end up hurting you, or...we'd end up getting hell from Ecklie, and I knew you didn't need that after everything that's happened..." he said. "...I was a fool, Sara...and..." He swallowed hard. "Now...that..I almost lost you, I...realize that...I can't live without you...

Every waking second without you is tearing me apart, Sara," Grissom said. "I can't...picture myself getting up in the mornings without seeing your face," he whispered. "...I can't sit down in the evenings with a cozy movie without expecting to hold you in my arms," he said, his eyes starting to glisten with tears. "And...I can't...go to sleep every night...without...seeing your face.." he whispered.

"Stop it," Sara whispered.

Grissom blinked, hearing the hoarse whisper come from the limp figure laying on the bed. "..S-Sara?"

"Stop it, Grissom," Sara whispered, slowly opening her eyes. When she opened her eyes that was when Grissom saw the tears. A lone tear glided down her cheek, wetting the bandage wrapped around her neck as she looked up at him. "Stop it, Grissom, I can't stand it anymore," she whispered.

"Sara...it's okay, honey," Grissom whispered. "Don't try and talk..."

"No...Grissom...I'm...sorry," she whispered. "I'm sorry...that I blew up at you, I'm sorry...for everything..."

"It's okay, honey," he said again, choking back a sob. "Everything's okay..."

Sara nodded slowly, reaching for his hand. When she felt it she grabbed it and squeezed it tightly, looking up into his eyes. "These...past few days have been hell," she whispered. "...I've..cried myself to sleep, because I missed the feeling of your arms around me as I fell to sleep," she whispered. "I've worked multiple shifts because I didn't want to go home to an empty apartment," she said. "I...needed to hear your voice...

I want to hear you tell me that I look good in my dirty blue CSI scrubs after I've spent five hours processing a car. I want to hear you ask me if you can kiss me.." Sara whispered. "I want you feel you again, I need to..."

Grissom just looked over at her, tears running down his face. "You will, Sara, I promise."

"..I won't ever do that again," Sara whispered. "I can't be without you."

"You won't, Sara, and neither will I," Grissom told her, brushing a strand of hair out of her eyes. "We'll be with eachother...and we'll love eachother.." Grissom told her. "...And by the way.." he whispered.

"What?" Sara whispered.

"...You look good in that hospital gown," he grinned.

Sara just laughed softly.

The End


End file.
